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Relating and communicating
Partner no longer kisses me during sex
Originally Published: September 02, 1994 / Updated on: March 02, 2001
 

Alice,

What do I do about a man who no longer kisses me during sex? We still have sex on a regular basis, but he no longer looks at me while we have sex. He always covers his face when we are together. It has been months since he has kissed me. I am starving for affection. I happen to be in love with this man.

—Chapped lips

 

Dear Chapped lips,

Have you tried talking with your man about this change in your sexual pattern? It may be something as simple as that he has developed cold sores and is embarrassed or doesn't know what to do about them, or he's worried about his breath (or yours). There may be some other blemish on his face that he doesn't want you to see. Find out if you can rule these physical reasons out.

Since it takes two people to kiss, have you tried initiating kissing him? If yes, how has he responded? If he has turned away or covered his face, and if he doesn't admit to anything being physically wrong, you need to begin some dialogue. Let him know that you really like kissing, and that you like to look at him when you're having sex. He needs to know that this is part of your total experience of sex and of your relationship. Give him a chance to respond; find out if this is just a phase he's going through, if it has been an unconscious behavior on his part, or if it's evidence of something else that may be wrong in your relationship.

Alice doesn't have enough information to make any reasonable guesses here as to why this is happening. However, if you love this man, as you write, talk with him, let him know how you feel, and find out what's going on. It can bring you closer, or give you the information you need to make another choice.

Alice

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